Null Paradox. Despair

Null Paradox | Music | Despair

Null Paradox | Despair

The song Despair is the fourth of ten levels of grief.

The series of songs is about Victoria’s loss of Seth, the love of her life. The story takes place in the Null Paradox steampunk universe as part of the music, book, and live performance series.


Null Paradox | Grief & Grieving

We’ve described the Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler process of grief and grieving, On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss, in an earlier letter.  But Victoria’s own process includes ten stages as related to her relationship with Seth.

This list makes it seem like the grief and grieving process is linear, but it’s far from it. Victoria jumps back and forth between stages, from being strong to backsliding. Then starting again.




Apple  (High Definition and Dolby Atmos)




YouTube Music


Vocals (Victoria)~Analise Rios
Guitars~Stuart McCallum
Keyboards, organ, synth~Dan Moore
Bass, piano, keyboards~Tom Libertiny
Drums~John “JR” Robinson

Orchestrator and conductor~Drew Morgan
Clarinet~David Pagett
Flute~Eliza Marshall
Oboe~Imogen Triner
Violin~David Grubb
Violin~Declan Daly
Violin~Hugh Blogg
Violin~Joanne Green
Violin~Marian Givens
Violin~Paul Barrett
Viola~Carl Hill
Viola~Fran Higgs
Viola~George White
‘cello~Harriet Wiltshire
‘cello~Juliet McCarthy
‘cello~Miriam Wakeling

Music by Tom Libertiny.
Lyrics by Tom Libertiny and Wilted August
Produced by Tom Libertiny
Mixed by Patrick Phillips, Space in Time Studio A
Mastered by Sangwook “Sunny” Nam, Jacob’s Well Mastering
Vocals recorded by Andrew Krivonos, Brewery Recording Studio
Orchestra recorded by Patrick Phillips, St. George’s Hall

Cover models~Analise Rios and Darius M. Thompson
Photography~Tom Libertiny
Illustration~Ana Cruz



Why’d you claim
My happiness
Take down
Down to the ground
Only was
The two of us, around
Sharing our sound
Watching you
It’s crystal clear
You sound so profound
Need you most
One last time
Take down
Down to the ground

You always made me feel like you knew
Always made me feel deja vu

And I always loved you
It’s not fair
It all comes down to despair
One last glance and this I swear
It all comes down to despair

Annabelle plays both sides
Shadowing Seth in plain sight
Waitin for the right time
Waitin for the right time
Gonna reveal his crime
Gonna reveal his crime

I always loved you
It’s not fair
It all comes down to despair

Tell me today
If you care
It all comes down to despair
Do ya think it’s over?
For our affair?
It all comes down to despair

Once a little girl
Wanted the world
Once a little girl
Wanted the world
Once a little girl
Wanted the world
Once a little girl


(continued after the image)

Null Paradox. Victoria

Null Paradox~Victoria
Actor, Model, Singer~Analise Rios
Concept & Photography~Tom Libertiny

Null Paradox | Physics

The nonlinearity of Victoria’s grief brings me to the multiverse concept. It’s the basis of worldbuilding within Null Paradox.

Physicists describe the multiverse as an object that contains all possible universes. At its core, the Null Paradox multiverse is the same, but how we navigate the infinite permutations of each universe within the multiverse is different.


Victoria | Zero

To keep things understandable, the primary Victoria is Victoria Zero.

In Null Paradox, Victoria’s life is actually a series of tiny hops from one universe to another stitched together to create the life she experiences. This is facilitated by a machine briefly described in the first book, which plays a more significant role in the second book.

But what do all the other Victorias do in the multiverse? Do they wait around until it’s their turn to play a fleeting part in Victoria Zero’s life? Or do they have a life of their own that is briefly absconded by Victoria Zero?

And how far do they, as people, stray from Victoria Zero?

The answer to the last question: the essence of Victoria remains the same through all the possible permutations. But there are significant variabilities in their relationships and actions. 

Unsurprisingly, what Victoria looks like changes too.


Victoria | One

Make no mistake, Victoria Zero is feisty, loving, and a warrior.  

But Victoria One is darker. In her universe, she wasn’t as accommodating to Seth during their relationship. The repercussions of Victoria One’s actions aren’t as different as you’d imagine from those experienced by Victoria Zero. But the acceleration of the repercussions is significantly faster in Victoria One’s universe.

If you linearly aligned their timelines, Victoria One experienced things before Victoria Zero. If only there was a way for them to communicate… Which brings us to a future story about The Bully.


Here’s the tricky part | Zero, One, and Two

The GertrudeGraceVictoria, and Seth that you read about are technically the primary ones. “Zero” is appended to their names to reduce confusion, as in Victoria Zero. The adjacent universe has a Victoria One. And so on, for all of them.


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